It’s been a little while since I last wrote something…over three months actually. No, let me re-phrase that: it’s been three months since I wrote something that I felt was worthy of publishing. I’ve had plenty of thoughts, put pen to paper a few times, but never anything that I felt was worth letting anyone else read. There’s been no real reason for it – I haven’t had any huge life-changing experiences, heartbreak or whatever else – I simply just haven’t had any good enough ideas.
I guess the only thing that has changed since I started this blog, is that my life is now no longer facing huge change. Of course, nothing ever really stays the same, but what I mean is that for the first time in a long time I’m “settling in”. Not “settling” as in accepting my lot and throwing ambition away, not “settling down” as in what people do when they’re in serious relationships or get married (a very long way from that). By “settling in” I mean that this is the first time in a long time that I haven’t had an “end point” as such. When I first went to the UK it was to study for a year. Then I got my job and knew I’d be going to America for six months, after which I knew I’d be going to Ireland for three months. Everything had an “expiration date”, and even when I first moved back to England I knew was only going to be in the house I was in for three months. But now, I’ve found a place to rent, bought a car and I’ve been settling in to this life that I’m currently living. The only expiration date there is is that of my visa – 07 May 2018. But that’s such a long way away, and if there’s one thing I know it’s that a lot can change in that time, so to me it doesn’t really count.
Well, now you’re pretty much caught up on where I am and why I haven’t written. But now I have something to say that I hope is worth you taking the time to read. Since I last posted a blog I’ve learned a fair bit. I mean we are, and should always be learning. But while I’ve not been putting pressure on myself to write and just been taking everything as it comes, the world has given me a bit of a schooling along the way. Here are seven (quite random) highlights from those lessons…
There are a lot of expectations floating around. Expectations of who you should be, how you should be living your life, what you should be doing at your age, etc. We all have expectations, of ourselves, of the world and of others. Some of these expectations you have to live up to, because you are contractually obliged to as part of your employment. Fair enough. But most of them you are not obliged to live up to and shouldn’t expect others to either. Society’s belief of what you should be doing with your life is at the top of the “don’t worry about it” list. I have friends all within the same age bracket doing wildly different things: getting married, backpacking, having kids, starting businesses, studying at university, on graduate programs, working a 9-5 they hate, working a 9-5 they love, figuring out what they want to do with their lives, and everything else in between. I’ve also had real adults, like people old enough to be my parent, ask me for advice. ME?! Last week I bought washing liquid for the windscreen in my car and I still can’t get the lid off (at this point I’m very grateful to England and the frequency at which it rains here). I’ve learned that it’s your life – you’re the one who is living it and you’re the only one who will see it flash before your eyes when your time comes, so you’re the only one who gets to decide how you feel about it, and make (or not make) changes accordingly. Also, don’t put too many expectations on yourself – the world is constantly changing and we can’t control it, so don’t give yourself an opportunity to be disappointed if you don’t have to.
You can learn so much from people around you. In this day and age I feel we often turn to well known or famous people for advice/lessons/someone to look up to, whether we intend to or not. At least I do. But when you look around at your friends, colleagues and families, you can learn so much from them. For example, a colleague of mine changed the way I looked at my job and made me realise the potential there was for me to make a positive impact if I was willing to put in the work. And a friend of mine unknowingly made me realise that I worry too much about time, and that you don’t always have to run by a clock. Anyone who knows me knows that since I’ve travelled I’ve discovered that my favourite thing is the people. If you’re lucky enough to realise how incredible the people around you and those you get to meet are, you become so much more appreciative of them. I think we can often find the most inspiration from those closest to us.
Don’t send an email when you’re angry. Give yourself at least half an hour, or overnight if you can. Talk it over with someone if you want, and then draft a reply. And when you do reply, make it as respectful, polite and courteous as you can, no matter how many fibres of your body don’t want to. In time, you’ll be thankful that you rose above and didn’t write something you’d regret. Trust me.
Try not to become complacent. This is perhaps more directed towards your professional life, but I think it can be used in your personal life too. I learned this lesson from Grey’s Anatomy. I won’t explain the episode, but essentially, if you become too comfortable, complacent, and stop asking how you can do better and make improvements, it is very difficult to accept new ideas and changes that can be made. As I said before, we live in a world that is constantly changing, yet as a species, us humans tend to be adverse to change. If you can accept and be prepared that change will happen regardless of what you want, it will be so much easier to adapt.
If you look for it, you can find happiness wherever you want. I learned this recently, through the All Blacks losing to Ireland. I love the All Blacks and I hate to lose, so that wasn’t a great combination for me. However when I watched this video of the win from Ireland’s perspective, I realised how happy this achievement made their team and their nation, and that gave me a reason to smile. I’ve found that as you enter this “adult” world, you become less oblivious to the crappy things that happen, and for me at least, they tend to impact you more. Which means that it’s so important to appreciate and make the most of those moments of happiness when you can. Check out this list of great things that have happened in 2016, to make you feel a little better about a year that at times has been one we’d rather forget.
If you want to, you can have your cake and eat it too. Sure, sometimes you have to make sacrifices because you can’t be in two places at once, or do a million things at the same time. But if you can do everything, then do it. If you’ve read my blog before you’ll know I’m an advocate for “taking the meeting” – saying yes. This year has taught me the fragility of life, if nothing else, and I refuse to politely decline “eating my cake” if I don’t have to. Plus, there’s going to come a time when I can’t have both – one day I will have to choose between living here in the UK or returning home to NZ – so I’ll be damned if I’m not going to eat as much cake as I possibly can, when I can.
Finally, it appears I will always have my best ideas at the most inconvenient times. Well I’m hoping this post is a good idea. I thought about this while I was having a shower, which becomes problematic when ideas and thoughts are spilling out in overdrive and I can’t just grab my laptop and type away. But hey, maybe that’s a metaphor for the best things happening when you least expect them?
“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely of places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” – Roald Dahl.
That’s all for now,
Jordyn x
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